I know these times aren’t for joking, and I mean no harm, but check out the place of origin of my American Fender Telecaster above. I’ve tried playing with gloves on but it’s not the same.

Anyway, here’s my dig at politicians worldwide. I might get a song out of it one day. It’s called ‘Candy Floss Equations’.


Ever since the railways crossed the borders
Ever since the mountains touched the sky
Ever since the moon gave up on caring about the tides
Politicians have swapped each truth for another lie

No surprise their candy floss equations
No surprise when self is put before mankind
No surprise the toffee apple false assurances
When their forever promises go unsigned

Protesters, demonstrators, they get locked up
For shouting loud the honest facts of days to come
Deceitful politicians sit back and claim a triumph
When the riot squad have their opponents on the run

Democracy needs to have a blood transfusion
Democracy is dying on its feet
Democracy means nothing to neo-fascists
Claiming power, never accepting a ballet box defeat

When you own the press, the TV News, the money makers
When you own the generals, law makers and Twitter for trading lies
Then power begets power begets power
And you become a corrupt dictator in disguise

Time for music. This one goes by the name ‘Classic Rock Grove – E Major (Guitar Jam Backing Track). Even though it’s a backing track, these groves make for OK background music. I hope you enjoy;

As ever, if any poets out there are interested in having your poems turned into songs then click here to check it out: POETRY TO SONG

If you are looking for all my other music then you’ll find it to download on BANDCAMP or you can stream and/or make a playlist of it on SPOTIFY

If you’re thinking about new t-shirts and similar for the summer, you might be interested in ZOOLON’S MERCHANDISE

Copyright © 2019 – Zoolon Audio. All rights reserved. Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


The sky will last forever
The clouds are temporary
In a 100 years from now
What remains will be a poisoned sea


Some will call it tragic
When the sea puts on its show for free
Just rotting fish and plastic
A becalmed toxic destiny

folkestone sky

Idiots and profiteers
Sit back and watch it on TV
The carcasses of whales
The cloak of everlasting synthetic debris

clouds dover (2)

It’s already far too late to save
The art of sky and clouds and sea
Maybe you’ll have a picture on the wall
Of nature’s old days creativity

dover harbour

Now we play the end game
Though blind fools will disagree
That once a long, long time ago
All of life on Earth crawled out of the sea

You can download all of my work on BANDCAMP  or stream from SPOTIFY

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  Music (2019) & Artwork (2016-2019). All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



‘Etaples Military Cemetery, Northern France’ – 5 years ago

Nothing comes for free in times of war
You even have to pay for an unmarked grave
Don’t know your name but I can’t ignore
The price you paid for the life you gave


Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



‘Money is the reason we exist
Everybody knows it, it’s a fact – kiss, kiss’
Lana Del Rey from her song, ‘National Anthem’ 

The Amazons on fire again
The ice caps melt away
Sea levels gone and lost the plot
Plastic bottles don’t decay
Exhaust fumes and factory waste
Industry is all
The planet keeps on spinning
But it’s heading for a fall
Species upon species
Mankind has killed the lot
Go kill another elephant
Go take another shot
We breed too many humans
While the food chain’s breaking up
Come tomorrow, come the big bang
Our lungs will scream for oxygen in a cup

It wouldn’t be right to quote Lana without posting a vid of her song ‘National Anthem’. To me it’s a masterpiece stuffed full of satire.

No way can I best Lana, so today just me and an angry guitar. The number is called ‘One Man Band’;


Lana aside, Copyright © 2018 -19 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



G4 (B&W)‘Hot Day in Berck’

I’ve written a few protest songs before.  Generally mine are not angry songs. It’s not how I’m made. However, this one I’m playing around with is singing well enough, but singing angry. Maybe that’s the way it should be sometimes?


Guns and souvenirs

No wasted bullets, just wasted tears

As shots ring out the big man sneers

He takes no notice of honest fears


To the refrain of abusive jeers

And poor excuses no one hears

They pull the strings, the puppeteers

The firearm freaks, the profiteers


Cries for help fall on stone deaf ears

Who cares if death finds new frontiers?

Who cares that under a gravestone she premieres

On the ‘One Less Innocent’ stage of slaughtered peers?

Here’s an example of one of my regular style protest songs. This one is from the ‘Dream Rescuer’ album that hopefully makes its point without any anger. It’s called ‘Ticking Clock’. I hope you enjoy;

Stupid things make me laugh. This is a true story. So I’m in the smelly post office. As ever a long queue. The only good thing about being in a queue is you get to listen to people chatting. In front of me two blokes. One says that he’s sick and tired of rowing with his wife all the time. He says to his mate, “I’ve told her time and time again we need to find a level playing field.” His mate agrees and says, “Perhaps you both will find that level playing field when you go on holiday. A break always helps – you know, a change of scenery and all that. Where is it you’re going by the way?” Mr Angry with his wife replies, “We’re hiking up in Welsh mountains’.” His mate says, “Well you ain’t going to find a level playing field up there it’s all hills.” Like I said, stupid things make me laugh.

Finally and probably the best lyric of all time, although you might not agree unless you’re a Gooner like me. An Arsenal classic originally from the Invincible years – before my time sadly – and just perfect after beating Newcastle ‘1 – 0’ in the first match of the new football season last Sunday. Class act.

Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



mari13 (2)‘Weird but Harmless’

‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’ – A French expression

On a sunny Saturday the white bloke wearing khaki shorts, a Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt and a battered tin hat carrying a rifle shot a pregnant lioness. Chuffed with himself he had his wife take a photo of him standing over the furry corpse. Come Sunday morning he went to church to thank his god for his good fortune. He got on well with his god although even he had to admit it was generally a one-way conversation.

Come Monday he carried the furry corpse off to the taxidermist to have it stuffed. The taxidermist was up for the gig but pointed out that inside the body of the furry corpse there were three unborn lion cubs. Two females; one male. The taxidermist asked the bloke still wearing khaki shorts, a Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt and a battered tin hat but no longer carrying a rifle if he wanted the embryos stuffed as well. The bloke who shot the lioness said, “No thanks. I think that’s disgusting.” The taxidermist just shrugged and got on with his work.

On the Tuesday, the lioness and the ‘cubs that never were’ killer got a phone call on his landline from a midwife who worked in the hospital down town. She told him that his daughter was about to give birth to triplets. Two girls and a boy.

Rather than take the shower he needed he changed out of his Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt because it was chucking up a bit into his Disney ‘Beauty & The Beast’ (remake design) t-shirt but kept the rest on, even the battered tin hat. He left his rifle locked up safe in the cupboard and drove off to the hospital.

When he got there he was introduced to his new grandchildren, Eric, Derek and Moonbeam. He wasn’t sure about the name ‘Moonbeam’ but kept his mouth shut. After telling his daughter he was chuffed to be a grandad he showed her the pic of him with the dead lioness. The daughter told him he must be sick in the head.

By Wednesday he was down in the dumps about falling out with his daughter. She’d also told him to get out of her and her kids’ lives. Finding that hard to take he went back home thinking he’d have a private chat with his god. His god must have been busy that day.

His wife asked him if it were possible would he bring the lioness and her three unborn cubs back to life if it meant getting along with his daughter again. He said ‘Yes, I’d never shoot a lion again. If that was possible I’d shoot Elephants instead’.

His wife left him on the Thursday. By Friday, to help get back into the hunting zone, he’d shot the taxidermist dead, just prior to doing what he saw as the honourable thing.  He got himself a Disney original ‘Dumbo the Elephant’ t-shirt.

This post was prompted by a thing I saw on the news last week about some idiot Englishman who called himself a conservationist who thought it great to get over the South Africa and get photographed with lion he’d just murdered.

While on the subject of weirdness here’s probably the weirdest song I’ve ever written. It hasn’t had an outing for ages, so here it is. I hope you enjoy;

derek owl (2)‘I Like Birds’ – An Eels song title

I like birds as well. In Australia they discovered the 19 million year old fossil of a giant parrot that stood over one metre tall. That got me wondering how tall pirates must have been back in the day as they generally have a parrot on their shoulder. Anyway, here’s the song ‘I Like Birds’ from Eels;

Copyright © 2015 – 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


flowers4 (2)‘Scotland Abroad’


‘The game is now over, I’m glad that we played

A wounded heart full of sorrow, nothing betrayed

Guilt is love’s shadow yet I’ll never forget

From the corner of my eye your silhouette’

from my song ‘Pain’ aka ‘Love’s Shadow’

True story. I spent a lot of time watching England eventually win the cricket World Cup on Sunday. It was a small family occasion and we were all glued to the TV. The last time we had all been in the same room at the same time watching cricket was in 2005 when England took The Ashes back from Australia by managing to draw the last test at The Oval. My Grandmother watched that one with the rest of us. She was still alive back then. I was still a kid.

Grandmother was mad without realizing she was mad. She’d often do things and say things that others saw as funny or weird and she never understood why. It was watching that final test match she came out with a classic that went like this. “I’m terribly worried about the number of young people cursed with deafness. It’s an epidemic I think but there’s nothing on the news about it. I blame government’s secrecy – mark my word, they’re up to something.” I remember asking her for a bit of clarity. She came back at me saying, “Surely you must have noticed it George. Everywhere I go I see youngsters wearing hearing aids. Hundreds of them.” Getting her drift I pointed out that they weren’t hearing aids and what they actually were, were in-ear headphones for portable devises. ‘I’m sure you’re wrong about that George. I know a hearing aid when I see one.’ There wasn’t much point arguing. She never admitted she was ever wrong about anything. Mentioning it to my dad he reminded me she also insisted that a ‘DVD’ was actually called a ‘VDV’ and that her ‘George Formby Grill’ was actually a ‘George Foreman Grill’ – for the record George Formby was an English comedian and ukulele player from a long time ago.

I still miss her particular brand of madness. She left me feeling punch drunk most times so in her honour here’s my song ‘Punchdrunk’. I hope you like it;

flowers1 (2)‘Flowers for a Mad Grandmother’

If you’re interested you can find the rest of my music portfolio for sale at BANDCAMP 

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.