I’m an idiot for not taking a video of the gull. I’ll tell you why.

For the first day in ages it had stopped raining and was just warm enough for me to have my breakfast outside a café – Eggs Benedict for what it’s worth. Halfway through eating I spotted this gull stood at the door of an estate agent next to the café. At first I thought he (maybe a she, but being a little arrogant I’m thinking a he) was clocking himself in the reflection of the window. However he wasn’t judging his good looks as moments later he was trying to open the door with his beak. When that failed he started to tap at the door – beak taps, that is – trying to get a reaction. Eventually a lady opened the door and gave him a good couple of handfuls of croutons she’d made especially for him.

Apparently the gull visits every single morning at 9.30AM – on the dot – for breakfast and the only reason he had to hang around was that the lady who had fried up the croutons for him had to let them cool down before serving them up. Once he’d scoffed the lot he flew off to wherever gulls go when their not eating or shitting on my car.

While I don’t agree humans should be feeding gulls who really ought to be out at sea fishing for themselves I couldn’t help thinking the interaction between bird and human was OK this time. It’s all about the relationship between a decent human and wildlife to me.

The oddest thing was that when eating the croutons this gull didn’t scream out boasting to all his gull mates that he’d had a result at the estate agents. That’s what usually happens with gulls just before a massive bundle kicks off as they fight to steal each other’s food.

I like seagulls. They’ve got attitude. The rappers of the bird world.

Once, a couple of years ago I was leaving a car park when some heartless moron deliberately drove over a young gull. He flattened the gull then drove off – at speed after spotting me in kill mode. The juvenile gull took a minute or two to die. Sadly I wasn’t brave enough to put it out of its misery. I still feel guilty about that.

I got the reg number of his car, rushed over to the police station but they weren’t bothered. “It’s one for the RSPCA, son,” was all they said. I often think about this. I often think the same thing should happen to that driver. A steam-roller would do nicely.

Here’s ‘Time Out’ my song for the gulls alive and dead from my Dream Rescuer album. I hope you enjoy;

Here’s my album ‘Rainbows End’ on Spotify.  You can stream all my music there or free. Alternatively, for downloads of my work go to BANDCAMP  Here’s the link SPOTIFY

Copyright © 2017/2019 Zoolon Audio.  Music & Photograph. All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



‘Come a Frozen Morning’

How do you write over-the-top surreal lyrics like Dylan? I’m thinking Desolation Row style here. Answer: basically you don’t. He’s one of a kind. Even so, that doesn’t mean we can’t try.

You had a dream in the beginning
You had a dream that sounded good
Why you woke up and lived the nightmare
I never understood

You climbed the mountain after midnight
Under the light of a full moon
I heard that come a frozen morning
You stole the big shot’s hot air balloon
You ended up among the gravestones
Where dead bodies know their place
You dressed yourself in magazines
Put on your bravest face

The letter you said you sent me
Never made it to base camp
A mailman in the snowstorm died
His body cold and damp
And inside looking out
You see a heaven upon earth
But that’s just the mirror playing tricks on you
That’s a fact for what it’s worth

In summer we light the candles
The sun don’t shine no more
In summer the sea gets restless
And besides this world’s at war
With every living species
Well maybe just the one’s that make most noise
That’s only heard by deaf ears
And the Pan’s poisoned lost boys

You had a dream in the beginning
You had a dream that sounded good
Why you woke up and lived the nightmare
I never understood

As I mentioned in my last post, at last I’ve got all my Zoolon Audio albums out there for streaming on Spotify and iTunes – no cost to the listener.

Here is the EP ‘Devil’s Kiss’ in its entirety on Spotify. For the iTunes equivalent then just type in ‘Zoolon Audio’ and stream. I hope you enjoy;

All my albums are still available for download purchase on BANDCAMP

If you do enjoy my music, a ‘follow’ on Spotify would be appreciated.

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  Music & Photograph. All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



‘Claudette Colbert still from Cecil B. DeMille’s ‘Cleopatra’ movie 85 years ago’

He was thinking to himself that he’d never written a letter. A proper letter, using a pen and paper. A letter he would write, sign and post. He decided he’d have a go although the absence of pre-emptive text was worrying him. His spelling wasn’t that great. After more thought he came up with the idea of writing a love letter. The only problem being that he didn’t know who to write to as he didn’t know anyone.  Because of that he went for a random ‘too whom it may concern’ type of letter.

After going down to the shops to get hold of a pen (he didn’t own a pen) and paper (the only paper he had at home was toilet paper) he wrote his love letter. The letter didn’t say much. Just his address and a couple of lines that read, “Dear Whoever You Are, I’m looking for a soul mate to love. If you’re interested please get in touch, Yours Sincerely, Джордж” – his dad was Russian.

The only problem was that he had a letterbox phobia so instead of posting the letter in the post-box up the road he went down the seafront. It was handy he lived by the sea. He took with him the letter, an empty bottle and a cork. He was pleased to have thought of this idea because had he posted the letter in an envelope it didn’t have a forwarding address written on it anyway. Making sure the tide was on the way out he put the letter in the bottle then stuffed the cork in, then chucked the bottle in the sea.

Cleopatra also lived by the sea. She was out walking her leopard along the shoreline when she spotted the letter in a bottle. The cork was stuck in the bottle. She tried to pull it out with her teeth. She failed, so she smashed it on the rocks, careful to pick up the pieces. Джордж’s letter made Cleo smile. She decided to reply. The stamps cost her a small fortune as she lived in Egypt and he lived England.

When Джордж received Cleo’s letter he was over the moon. He took a ship all the way to Egypt and met up with her at her grand palace. Джордж was most impressed. That night they had a meal together at a McDonald in Alexandria. They got on well and planned to meet up again the next day, even though Джордж was allergic to big cats. After Джордж had given Cleo a polite kiss and said, ‘Goodnight Cleopatra’ he went back to his hotel and wrote her this song.

Here’s Cleo’s song. I hope you enjoy;

The instrumental album this number is on is available to download via the link below;

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



‘Tuesday, 11AM: No Sign of Life’

Unless you’re composing to a specific theme, deciding on a title for an instrumental piece isn’t always easy. The title has to reflect the music. I suppose it’s a bit like naming a kid after its been born. When there’s lyrics there is always a way to find a title. Somewhere in the words or often the title is the thing that creates the lyric. Either way you end up with a title.

Take my ‘The Pigeons Are Switzerland’ title for an instrumental. It even became the title track to one of my albums.  Some people have asked where it came from. I thought it a good idea to explain that here on the blog.

It was evening in early spring this year. A hot day believe it or not. I’d just composed and recorded the music. Sat out in the garden I was listening to the track for just about the hundredth time. I was getting nowhere with the title but then I heard a massive commotion from up in the sky. An army of crows where fighting with a seagull militia. I guess the crows were after the seagull’s eggs.

The thing was that sat on the roof of the house about 30 pigeons, cool and calm and not moving an inch, checking out the bundle going on up in the sky. They were just watching and not getting involved. Like an audience watching a play.

That was the moment I thought to myself that the pigeons were neutral just like Switzerland is when it comes to a war. The massive plus was that the pigeons calm weirdness gave me the feeling that this strange instrumental was theirs to keep. Hence the name, ‘The Pigeons Are Switzerland’.

It’s a shame all countries aren’t neutral when it comes to wars.

Here it is. It’s only 2 mins 18 seconds. You can access the whole album, plus all the rest of my work on BANDCAMP  The instrumental, ‘The Pigeons Are Switzerland’ below. I hope you enjoy;

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


flowers4 (2)‘Scotland Abroad’


‘The game is now over, I’m glad that we played

A wounded heart full of sorrow, nothing betrayed

Guilt is love’s shadow yet I’ll never forget

From the corner of my eye your silhouette’

from my song ‘Pain’ aka ‘Love’s Shadow’

True story. I spent a lot of time watching England eventually win the cricket World Cup on Sunday. It was a small family occasion and we were all glued to the TV. The last time we had all been in the same room at the same time watching cricket was in 2005 when England took The Ashes back from Australia by managing to draw the last test at The Oval. My Grandmother watched that one with the rest of us. She was still alive back then. I was still a kid.

Grandmother was mad without realizing she was mad. She’d often do things and say things that others saw as funny or weird and she never understood why. It was watching that final test match she came out with a classic that went like this. “I’m terribly worried about the number of young people cursed with deafness. It’s an epidemic I think but there’s nothing on the news about it. I blame government’s secrecy – mark my word, they’re up to something.” I remember asking her for a bit of clarity. She came back at me saying, “Surely you must have noticed it George. Everywhere I go I see youngsters wearing hearing aids. Hundreds of them.” Getting her drift I pointed out that they weren’t hearing aids and what they actually were, were in-ear headphones for portable devises. ‘I’m sure you’re wrong about that George. I know a hearing aid when I see one.’ There wasn’t much point arguing. She never admitted she was ever wrong about anything. Mentioning it to my dad he reminded me she also insisted that a ‘DVD’ was actually called a ‘VDV’ and that her ‘George Formby Grill’ was actually a ‘George Foreman Grill’ – for the record George Formby was an English comedian and ukulele player from a long time ago.

I still miss her particular brand of madness. She left me feeling punch drunk most times so in her honour here’s my song ‘Punchdrunk’. I hope you like it;

flowers1 (2)‘Flowers for a Mad Grandmother’

If you’re interested you can find the rest of my music portfolio for sale at BANDCAMP 

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



My new album has now been released. No need for too many words today. Here’s the title track, ‘Devil’s Kiss’. This song features the unique, globally acclaimed artist,  Fifi Rong  who duets with me on this number. Hope you enjoy;

Here’s a pic of vocalist, songwriter and electronic music producer, Fifi. You can check her music portfolio out using the name link per my first paragraph.


If you’re interested in my album download it’s available at BANDCAMP  for just £5 or equivalent in other currencies worldwide. Also, my complete discography – all 5 albums -can be purchased at £16 (a 50% saving on individual prices) at Bandcamp 

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.




herodotusZoolon’s new bin ‘Herodotus the Bin’

Some music. A 60 second guitar improvisation rendition of “Time” by Hans Zimmer. I hope you enjoy;

Other things in my life;

rainbow carpetA few posts back I put up a pic of a what I thought was a lost rainbow on the carpet here at home. Today I find three baby rainbows on the same carpet in the same room. Are they breeding? Am I missing something? Big question.

Next, something else I want answers and solutions for.

tree netting

The Wildlife Aid charity says this netting in Guildford was put in place to stop birds nesting so that the trees can eventually be removed – pic and quote from BBC News 

I was watching the news on TV. As I understand it this ‘tree netting’ idea is going on big time all over the country this year. It’s Spring. Birds need nests. A no-brainer. From now to late summer nests are vital. Get rid of the tree nets. If contractors want to kill trees to build houses then at least wait until the birds move on – besides there are thousands of empty shops in High Streets all over the place that could be converted to homes cheaper, quicker and easier than building new homes. 


Have you heard the word out on the street?

That there’s always a victory in a defeat

Cold comfort on an angry grey cloud day

A sap stained pavement’s tree blood cabaret


Who killed the goose that laid the golden eggs?

Who drunk from The River of Life and left the dregs?

The writings on the wall I hear you say

You must be joking, woodlands never live to fight another day


Can you show me how what you stand for is not a crime?

In words that I can sing that mostly rhyme

I’ll write you a ballad you’ll never get to hear

I’ll click my fingers and make the whole world disappear


Next, ‘A Life’ from my ‘Dream Rescuer’ album. I’ve decided that this number will always be in praise of trees;

Copyright © 2017/19 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


mushrooms‘Six Wives of Henry’

All I asked for was a plain omelette. I was in France at the time so what I said must have got lost in translation. What I got served up was a mushroom omelette. I hated mushrooms. Always had.  However, one bite later I discovered I loved mushrooms. That was about a year ago and I’ve been addicted ever since. I eat them most every day, apart from the days I forget to eat. I can’t get enough of them. Even on those days I forget to eat, I think about mushrooms all the time. I even include them in my favourite of all favourite meals, homemade Macaroni Cheese.

I got a mushroom related Christmas gift. ‘Grow Your Own Mushrooms In Doors’ it said on the box – note the spelling mistake on the packaging. Even dyslexic me eventually picked up on that one although at first it left me confused for a while, thinking how am I going to grow my mushrooms ‘in a door’ when all my doors are solid wood, painted gloss white. True.

I’d never grown any plant type things before. After I’d eventually unwrapped the box, I took a look inside. I presumed the present was a p**s take. It was just a box full of dirt. Nearly a month later and my mushrooms are beginning to happen. I keep the box in the dark in the cupboard under the stairs where all the shoes I’ve forgotten I ever owned and a broken violin live. The pic I took (above) reveals all. As the first six mushrooms appeared I thought I’d give them names. I went for the six wives of Henry XIII. Big mistake that was. Three of his wives were all called Catherine, two Anne and one Jane. I should have thought it through better. The big mushroom, top and left of centre is Anne of Cleeves. Off centre, top right is Anne Boleyn. I can’t remember who’s who after that.

corm3‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’

I was on my way to the harbour, looking forward to a breakfast of poached eggs (and mushrooms) when I saw a freak of nature. It couldn’t have come at a worse time as I thought my confusion levels had already peaked. A cormorant with its head on back-to-front. Obviously I had to take a pic, otherwise no one would have believed me. I had to give him a name. I chose ‘Ivan Issue’ – it sort of fits. I spent the rest of the day with ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ by Oasis on a loop inside my head. I hope Ivan’s mates don’t give him a bad time. Sometimes I wonder why life is so confusing away from my guitars.

After a lot of thought I’ve let Zoolon loose on Instagram. If any of you on WP are also on Instagram and want a follower who follows back and who also takes time out to view your stuff I’d be only too pleased to oblige. Here’s my first post there, a bit of free form guitar. I hope you like it;

Time for some music. Another from the new instrumental album, ‘THE FORGOTTEN DAUGHTER OF ZEUS’. This one is called, ‘Summer Died on a Saturday’. I hope you enjoy;

The 11 track, 45 minute long album itself is available to download at Bandcamp per the below;

Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



cleopatra 1658 guido cagnacci‘The Death of Cleopatra’ by Guido Cagnacci – 1658

The air was still. The day was cold and bleak. From the chimney stack, all along either side of the rooftop there was a static murmuration of starlings looking a bit worried. I gave up counting when I got to sixty.

In town, what’s left of the roof of what was once a posh hotel until it got burnt out years ago, maybe the same number of pigeons, maybe more. I had to look up the collective noun for pigeons. I wish I hadn’t because they’ve got loads. None of them very imaginative. Then again, pigeons don’t major in creativity. I settled for just the two. A bunch of pigeons flying is a ‘flight’; a bunch of pigeons hanging out together is called a ‘flock’. Why double up?

There’s a reason for everything that happens. In the case of the murmuration of static starlings and the flock of pigeons hanging out doing nothing much except looking worried, it was because the sky immediately above the rooftops was a sea mist so dense the sun had got bored and given up on trying to burn it off.

Seagulls? None to be seen anywhere. I guessed they’d all flown across The Channel to France where the skies were blue. Good thinking.

Later, in the music shop, the owner didn’t leave me in peace when I was road-testing a guitar. He kept talking on and on and on. I kept trying to play the guitar. I lost the will when he said apropos nothing that he could restring a guitar blindfolded. I gave up on road-testing his guitars.

On the way out of the shop his wife at the till where I wasn’t spending any money called me over and told me that her husband was a liar and couldn’t restring a guitar blindfolded. I’d already guessed that. Only a genius could do that.

Outside I got to thinking why do blindfolds exist when anyone, if they really wanted to, could just shut their eyes and get the same effect. It gets annoying when people put things inside my head that I didn’t want to know in the first place.

Back home instead of starting work I had to check out on Google exactly why blindfolds exist. What I learnt was that they’re used as sleep masks; when playing ‘pin the tail on the donkey’; kidnapping victims; executions, sex games and some other odd things. I wish I hadn’t checked it out as all those things could be achieved by just closing your eyes and I knew that in the first place. Another ten minutes of my life I won’t get back.

Time for some music. A new composition. The first time I’ve created music using my new Fender Vintage American Telecaster. It’s called ‘Goodnight Cleopatra’. I can only compose guitar genre instrumental stuff when I have a picture in my head. On this occasion it was Cleo around the time she let a poisonous asp have a bite of her to end it all. I tried to reflect in music what would have been her mindset variations at the time. I’m liking the build. I hope you enjoy;

Below, my albums for sale at Bandcamp;

Copyright © 2018 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.