RANDOM EVENTS IN THE LIFE OF ZOOLON

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BRIAN THE SPARROW’S BUTT

I first met Brian the Sparrow about a month ago. Spring was beginning to happen. The day was just about warm, so I was sat outside having a breakfast of hot chocolate and a croissant. When I’d finished   eating I left a few croissant crumbs on my plate. It was at that point a bold Brain landed and ate my leftovers. He didn’t seem bothered that I was sat only a couple of feet away.

I’ve met him a few times since. He has much darker neck feathers than his mates, so he is easy to recognise. Also, he seems to be the alpha sparrow; the Don of the local sparrow mafia. Brian himself has his own prime location, living in the posh bit of the hedgerow on the harbour side.  For what it’s worth Brian has a harem of lady sparrows following him about wherever he goes, all tweeting ‘we love Brian’ sort of tweets. Thinking about it, Brian’s living the dream.

The photo above is of Brian’s butt. I’ll explain. Before he landed on my table the other day, he was sat on the wall and his girlfriends were all sat in the bush besides the wall next to him. Brian had a look at the girl’s, then a look at me, but fell foul of making an assumption. What happened was that he saw me and guessed I was having my usual croissant. He guessed wrong.  The second he landed he realized there was nothing for him to eat. So, he turned his back just as I was taking a photo of him and then flew back to his girls. The net result was that all I got in the pic was a view of Brian’s butt just before he flew away.

We met again this morning. Brian doesn’t seem to hold any grudge against me.

FERRETS

Since being a little kid, we, that is my parents and me have used the Eurotunnel service that takes you into Calais in France. From there you can drive off to any place you like in Europe. The thing is there’s a sign at that check-in saying that if there’s a ferret in the car it must be declared. Why? Or better put, why single out the ferret from the entire global animal population? A few weeks back, having spent years asking Eurotunnel staff what this ferret thing was all about, I found out. An older lady on the check-in that day said ‘ferrets must have special passports’. That caused me to have a few random thoughts.

  1. How does a ferret fill in the form to apply for a passport?
  2. Does the average ferret’s passport photo look to be the worst photo ever – as it is with human passport photos?
  3. Where does a ferret get the £72.50 it costs to get a regular passport, let alone a special one?
  4. When I asked the lady if weasels and stoats, both animals much like a ferret, needed passports and she answered as far as she knew, ‘No, they didn’t’. Discrimination against ferrets? I think so.

Odd and confusing. I pity ferrets wanting to holiday abroad suffering discrimination. Although as far as Brian the Sparrow is concerned, he could just fly across The Channel and land wherever he wanted to in France, never having to worry about a passport. I wonder if the mademoiselle sparrows would take to him? Probably a ‘yes’ to that one.

TERMINAL BOREDOM

Lastly, terminal boredom. I like football but right now my main team The Arsenal keep losing as do my other favourite team Gillingham. A mate and I went to watch Gillingham play on Saturday. The photos below are highlights from probably the worst game of football I’ve ever seen – we lost 1-0, the goal coming just 1 minute from full time. You’ll note that the only interesting part of the game was at half-time when they watered the pitch.

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The final photo, also taken at half-time when most of the other spectators were off buying a half-time pie, is of me terminally bored out of my brains.

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It doesn’t take much for me to get bored.

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