LETTER IN A BOTTLE

Cleopatra

‘Claudette Colbert still from Cecil B. DeMille’s ‘Cleopatra’ movie 85 years ago’


He was thinking to himself that he’d never written a letter. A proper letter, using a pen and paper. A letter he would write, sign and post. He decided he’d have a go although the absence of pre-emptive text was worrying him. His spelling wasn’t that great. After more thought he came up with the idea of writing a love letter. The only problem being that he didn’t know who to write to as he didn’t know anyone.  Because of that he went for a random ‘too whom it may concern’ type of letter.


After going down to the shops to get hold of a pen (he didn’t own a pen) and paper (the only paper he had at home was toilet paper) he wrote his love letter. The letter didn’t say much. Just his address and a couple of lines that read, “Dear Whoever You Are, I’m looking for a soul mate to love. If you’re interested please get in touch, Yours Sincerely, Джордж” – his dad was Russian.


The only problem was that he had a letterbox phobia so instead of posting the letter in the post-box up the road he went down the seafront. It was handy he lived by the sea. He took with him the letter, an empty bottle and a cork. He was pleased to have thought of this idea because had he posted the letter in an envelope it didn’t have a forwarding address written on it anyway. Making sure the tide was on the way out he put the letter in the bottle then stuffed the cork in, then chucked the bottle in the sea.


Cleopatra also lived by the sea. She was out walking her leopard along the shoreline when she spotted the letter in a bottle. The cork was stuck in the bottle. She tried to pull it out with her teeth. She failed, so she smashed it on the rocks, careful to pick up the pieces. Джордж’s letter made Cleo smile. She decided to reply. The stamps cost her a small fortune as she lived in Egypt and he lived England.


When Джордж received Cleo’s letter he was over the moon. He took a ship all the way to Egypt and met up with her at her grand palace. Джордж was most impressed. That night they had a meal together at a McDonald in Alexandria. They got on well and planned to meet up again the next day, even though Джордж was allergic to big cats. After Джордж had given Cleo a polite kiss and said, ‘Goodnight Cleopatra’ he went back to his hotel and wrote her this song.


Here’s Cleo’s song. I hope you enjoy;


The instrumental album this number is on is available to download via the link below;


Copyright © 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.

CLEOPATRA & THE BAGUETTE

france22 2019 (3)

I was about to enjoy my ham, cheese & salad baguette when she turned up in the form of a sweet little ginger cat who’d taken time out to cross a massive field in the middle of nowhere just to say ‘hello’ – well that’s what I thought until she spotted my ham, cheese & salad baguette.

What happened was that I fed her a piece of my ham which she ate like it was her first meal in a long, long time. So I gave her a bit more plus some cheese which she scoffed in just a couple of bites. Talking to me through sad eyes she made it clear that more food would be good – then some more, and a bit more still until I was left with a baguette of only salad. I didn’t mind that much, especially as for the next half hour she’d fallen asleep on my lap, purring away while I was hoping she didn’t have fleas.

france30 2019 (2)Cleopatra’s Field

Once she’d woken up she gave me a friendly look and left, crossing back over the massive field to wherever she’d come from. After that she turned up at 5pm on the dot every evening to share a bite to eat with me. By then she was playful and answering to the name ‘Cleopatra’.

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Come my last night in the middle of nowhere I played her my song ‘Goodnight Cleopatra’. I think she liked it as she was purring a lot. If the truth be told I’d like to have taken her back home with me. Here’s the piece I played for her. I hope you enjoy;

Here’s the link to my complete discography – all five albums – available from Bandcamp at just £16 (50% discount) or whatever currency you use.

Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.

GOODNIGHT CLEO

cleopatra 1658 guido cagnacci‘The Death of Cleopatra’ by Guido Cagnacci – 1658

The air was still. The day was cold and bleak. From the chimney stack, all along either side of the rooftop there was a static murmuration of starlings looking a bit worried. I gave up counting when I got to sixty.

In town, what’s left of the roof of what was once a posh hotel until it got burnt out years ago, maybe the same number of pigeons, maybe more. I had to look up the collective noun for pigeons. I wish I hadn’t because they’ve got loads. None of them very imaginative. Then again, pigeons don’t major in creativity. I settled for just the two. A bunch of pigeons flying is a ‘flight’; a bunch of pigeons hanging out together is called a ‘flock’. Why double up?

There’s a reason for everything that happens. In the case of the murmuration of static starlings and the flock of pigeons hanging out doing nothing much except looking worried, it was because the sky immediately above the rooftops was a sea mist so dense the sun had got bored and given up on trying to burn it off.

Seagulls? None to be seen anywhere. I guessed they’d all flown across The Channel to France where the skies were blue. Good thinking.

Later, in the music shop, the owner didn’t leave me in peace when I was road-testing a guitar. He kept talking on and on and on. I kept trying to play the guitar. I lost the will when he said apropos nothing that he could restring a guitar blindfolded. I gave up on road-testing his guitars.

On the way out of the shop his wife at the till where I wasn’t spending any money called me over and told me that her husband was a liar and couldn’t restring a guitar blindfolded. I’d already guessed that. Only a genius could do that.

Outside I got to thinking why do blindfolds exist when anyone, if they really wanted to, could just shut their eyes and get the same effect. It gets annoying when people put things inside my head that I didn’t want to know in the first place.

Back home instead of starting work I had to check out on Google exactly why blindfolds exist. What I learnt was that they’re used as sleep masks; when playing ‘pin the tail on the donkey’; kidnapping victims; executions, sex games and some other odd things. I wish I hadn’t checked it out as all those things could be achieved by just closing your eyes and I knew that in the first place. Another ten minutes of my life I won’t get back.

Time for some music. A new composition. The first time I’ve created music using my new Fender Vintage American Telecaster. It’s called ‘Goodnight Cleopatra’. I can only compose guitar genre instrumental stuff when I have a picture in my head. On this occasion it was Cleo around the time she let a poisonous asp have a bite of her to end it all. I tried to reflect in music what would have been her mindset variations at the time. I’m liking the build. I hope you enjoy;

Below, my albums for sale at Bandcamp;

Copyright © 2018 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.