‘Alfie’s Back in Town’

Here’s Alfie the most popular dog – maybe the most popular living thing – in town. He’s just back on the scene after a short break recovering from an op to sort his leg out. Now he’s good to go all the old ladies are feeding him the treats they keep in their handbags just for Alfie. He’s the friendliest little bloke you could ever come across. I was so glad to see him again. A shame the owner Mel won’t let me have him as a replacement for my old dog Skipper who snuffed it a couple of years ago. Welcome back, Alfie.

No more words, just another song today. It’s called ‘Punchdrunk’ off my ‘Rainbows End’ album. I hope you enjoy;

Copyright © 2018 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


mari13 (2)‘Weird but Harmless’

‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’ – A French expression

On a sunny Saturday the white bloke wearing khaki shorts, a Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt and a battered tin hat carrying a rifle shot a pregnant lioness. Chuffed with himself he had his wife take a photo of him standing over the furry corpse. Come Sunday morning he went to church to thank his god for his good fortune. He got on well with his god although even he had to admit it was generally a one-way conversation.

Come Monday he carried the furry corpse off to the taxidermist to have it stuffed. The taxidermist was up for the gig but pointed out that inside the body of the furry corpse there were three unborn lion cubs. Two females; one male. The taxidermist asked the bloke still wearing khaki shorts, a Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt and a battered tin hat but no longer carrying a rifle if he wanted the embryos stuffed as well. The bloke who shot the lioness said, “No thanks. I think that’s disgusting.” The taxidermist just shrugged and got on with his work.

On the Tuesday, the lioness and the ‘cubs that never were’ killer got a phone call on his landline from a midwife who worked in the hospital down town. She told him that his daughter was about to give birth to triplets. Two girls and a boy.

Rather than take the shower he needed he changed out of his Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt because it was chucking up a bit into his Disney ‘Beauty & The Beast’ (remake design) t-shirt but kept the rest on, even the battered tin hat. He left his rifle locked up safe in the cupboard and drove off to the hospital.

When he got there he was introduced to his new grandchildren, Eric, Derek and Moonbeam. He wasn’t sure about the name ‘Moonbeam’ but kept his mouth shut. After telling his daughter he was chuffed to be a grandad he showed her the pic of him with the dead lioness. The daughter told him he must be sick in the head.

By Wednesday he was down in the dumps about falling out with his daughter. She’d also told him to get out of her and her kids’ lives. Finding that hard to take he went back home thinking he’d have a private chat with his god. His god must have been busy that day.

His wife asked him if it were possible would he bring the lioness and her three unborn cubs back to life if it meant getting along with his daughter again. He said ‘Yes, I’d never shoot a lion again. If that was possible I’d shoot Elephants instead’.

His wife left him on the Thursday. By Friday, to help get back into the hunting zone, he’d shot the taxidermist dead, just prior to doing what he saw as the honourable thing.  He got himself a Disney original ‘Dumbo the Elephant’ t-shirt.

This post was prompted by a thing I saw on the news last week about some idiot Englishman who called himself a conservationist who thought it great to get over the South Africa and get photographed with lion he’d just murdered.

While on the subject of weirdness here’s probably the weirdest song I’ve ever written. It hasn’t had an outing for ages, so here it is. I hope you enjoy;

derek owl (2)‘I Like Birds’ – An Eels song title

I like birds as well. In Australia they discovered the 19 million year old fossil of a giant parrot that stood over one metre tall. That got me wondering how tall pirates must have been back in the day as they generally have a parrot on their shoulder. Anyway, here’s the song ‘I Like Birds’ from Eels;

Copyright © 2015 – 2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


zoo1Hidden Corner’

Like last year and the year before and the year before that, Zoolon never got an Easter Egg. Is the world of eggs trying to tell me something?

I’d never noticed it before yesterday. Driving out of town into the countryside there’s a Beefeater franchise type restaurant. I’ve never been there but I think it’s just a steak, chips and ketchup sort of place. Nothing special. What I hadn’t noticed before was the field of cows smack bang next door to the Beefeater. Odd and hardly considerate if you’ve been born with cloven hoof. Not good.

Anyhow, I got the chance to go to a wildlife park a few days back. The place wasn’t that big but felt better than the average big zoo. The animals looked to have more freedom there. Here’s (inc. above) a few pics of some of what I saw plus a 60 second piece I made on Ableton with my Fender Telecaster (I’m hoping the animals like a guitar solo).

zoo5‘Castaway the Wolf’




In praise of the wolf, here’s an instrumental piece ‘Castaway’ from my Dream Rescuer album. Hope you enjoy. New music is on the way soon.

Copyright © 2017-2019 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.


donkey2Last week ‘Sydney the Shetland’ from up the road, this week;

‘The No Name Donkey’ from the same place


Before he arrived at the café in the High Street where the lorry drivers have breakfast he was an undertaker in a faraway land where nobody had a name.

Without names there wasn’t much of a call for gravestones there. Even so, they still had a few dotted about. Just one’s without names on though.

In this new land he took up playing chess. The café had a chess set and everyday he’d sit there playing  against anyone willing to have a go.

He played by instinct. He got good at it. He got so good at it that opponents and other people who hung around watching would ask the café owner, ‘Who’s that? What’s his name?’

The café owner got fed up with being asked if he knew the chess player’s name so one day he asked the man from the faraway land if he had a name. The man from the faraway land said, ‘No’.

He became known as ‘No’ even though it was clear that wasn’t an actual name.

Sometime later a girl with thick lens expensive glasses who’d never ever smiled arrived at the café from Rome.

She’d flown in, but not on a plane, helicopter or a rocket. She spoke good English and played a mean game of chess.

She saw ‘No’ sat at the table where the chess board was.

She went over to say hello and asked for a game. ‘No’ was good with that.

When ‘No’ asked the girl who had flown in from Rome but not on a plane, helicopter or a rocket if she had a name. She replied, ‘Yes’.

It was wintertime when ‘Yes’ became the Queen who protected her King until one day ‘No’ told her he’d prefer to be the Knight who protected her.

At last she smiled for the very first time.

Now for some music. ‘Solely Upon You’, my song from the ‘Rainbows End’ album. I hope you enjoy;

Copyright © 2017/18/19 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



CAT2 (2)‘Nothing to Scratch Here’

You’ll have to bear with me on this one. It’s a bit mad.

I had a ‘What if?’ moment. I was thinking that most photos I take are of things either ‘straight ahead’ of me or upwards. I never take shots at ground level – like, say a passionate artist type cat with a camera would. That sort of cat with a camera would be pretty much at ground level doing his/her thing. That means – to me in ‘What if?’ mode at least – that there must be a whole new world of pics to take ‘straight ahead’ at ground level.

Ideally, I would have preferred to take the ‘Cat With a Camera’ pics outside but right now it’s either pouring with rain everyday or frosty and freezing. That meant mainly indoors had to be the location, plus I had to think like a cat thinks – not easy when you don’t know how.

I hadn’t considered giving the mythical cat a name until someone suggested I should. I was offered ‘Cat Ray’ or ‘Robert Cata’ by someone much older than me, but settled for ‘Hetfield’. Above and below is ‘Hetfield’s’ first go at this new art form/sub-genre (maybe I’m pushing my luck here), ‘CAT ART’. I hope you enjoy.

CAT (2)‘A Hiding Place’

cat5 (3)‘Sleeping Bat?’

cat6‘Somewhere above, poached eggs – with mushrooms’

And to finish, not one of my songs this time but a vintage number called, ‘Cool For Cats’ from Squeeze.

Below the link to my new album on Bandcamp that’s helped keep me at No. 1 on the ReverbNation UK Chart;



‘A Chair’ by Someone Who Wanted a Chair

This is a 100% true. Just up from where I live there’s a road that I’m beginning to think is in another dimension in time and space. A big concept to take in.  I’ll explain. The road in question leads out of town into the countryside behind the cliffs. It has an all-important bus stop there and I think the bus stop is somehow the key that unlocks the way in and out of this ‘other dimension’.

Take yesterday, I’m driving along and by that bus stop I see a young mother holding at her breast in a kind of cuddling, yet keeping safe maternal type pose, a small white Yorkshire terrier. Nothing particularly unusual in that? I guess not, yet all the while she’s carrying the mini dog she has a little kid, a girl who has no canine-like features, just a regular kid – about 2-3 years old I reckon – on a dog lead. True! A kid on a dog lead! How opposite to all we’ve come to know and understand is that. So, odd as it’s the other way around in my dimension. I got to wondering if when the kid gets a treat is it a normal biscuit or a dog biscuit? After that I had a flood of random thoughts hit me, too many to deal with in one go.

Anyhow, that got me thinking in a ‘putting 2 + 2 together’ way. You see, just last week at the same bus stop I saw this local, by all accounts, totally blind man who I hear is a really good bloke everyone likes and it’s a real a shame he’s got the eyesight of a bat – although I don’t personally know him – resting one hand on his white walking stick and with the other hand he’s got open an AA Map Book that he’s totally engrossed reading like he isn’t blind! Maybe, he gets to see things in that ‘other place’ the other side of the bus stop and just had a bit of a residual sight when he entered back into our world? Who knows.

Obviously, I need to investigate some more, but something is going on, I’m sure of that. I’m just glad I’ve got a car and don’t have to take the bus out of town.

I’m now wondering if it’s the bus itself I should be focusing on, more than the bus stop. If I go missing having risked a bus journey, you’ll all know where I am and hopefully you will send out a rescue party into time and space.

zoolon other place‘Zoolon Through the Bus Stop’ by Zoolon

Now for some music. An instrumental piece I composed called ‘Time Out’. It has that other dimension in time and space feel.

Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorized copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



‘Tracey the Seagull’ by Zoolon

I met Tracey last week when I was crossing the Channel from Dover to Calais on the way to Dunkirk. When she posed for this photo I had no idea just what a freeloader seagull she was. After the photoshoot, outward bound, just outside of Dover Harbour, Tracey had a bit of a think then had a casual catwalk glide across to the sunny side of the ship and found a spot on the deck rail out of the way of, but still in sight of, human passengers on board. It was there she got herself sat down comfortably and didn’t move a muscle, taking in the rays, until we reached the Port of Calais where she joined Francois the Gull and his pals on a croissant hunt. What a life.

Anyway, I think a memory stick found in a drawer is the modern-day version of dusty old suitcase found in an attic. You take a look inside and find stuff you’d totally forgotten about. I found this, a thing I wrote in 2013 when I was living in a house close to a pebble beach in a road called Canada Road. I forgot I’d ever written it.


It’s a shame there’s no trees down on Canada Road

Got no autumn leaves down on Canada Road

You’ll hear the ghosts of Marines, in their infantry greens

Marching to a band down on Canada Road


A young mum pushes a pram down on Canada Road

Her mobile glued to her ear down on Canada Road

The bloke up the ladder, he couldn’t look sadder

Clearing out guttering’s on Canada Road


On Canada Road I see an old man

Outside the chemists, some pills in his hand

He’s swearing at a biker, he thinks Arsenal need a new striker

Down on Canada Road


You can’t be invisible down on Canada Road

Eyes peek from behind curtains on Canada Road

Sally Army and Mormons and some pissed up morons

Doing their thing down on Canada Road


Get salty storms down on Canada Road

You can’t beat the sea breeze down on Canada Road

Except when it blows from the East, it’s one mother of a beast

They say Julius Caesar invaded England down Canada Road


I’m down on my knees down on Canada Road

There’s just you and me down on Canada Road

And some blokes digging holes, stuffing ham and cheese rolls

Repairing a gas leak down Canada Road


It’s a shame there’s no trees down on Canada Road

Got no autumn leaves down on Canada Road


Time for some music. ‘Silent Films’ from my Rainbows End album. Hope you enjoy;

To liven things up a bit, here’s Marina & The Diamonds and their song, ‘Hollywood’. I understand she’s in the studio recording a new album right now.

My albums on sale at Bandcamp;

Apart from Marina – Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorized copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.



sparrow (2)


I first met Brian the Sparrow about a month ago. Spring was beginning to happen. The day was just about warm, so I was sat outside having a breakfast of hot chocolate and a croissant. When I’d finished   eating I left a few croissant crumbs on my plate. It was at that point a bold Brain landed and ate my leftovers. He didn’t seem bothered that I was sat only a couple of feet away.

I’ve met him a few times since. He has much darker neck feathers than his mates, so he is easy to recognise. Also, he seems to be the alpha sparrow; the Don of the local sparrow mafia. Brian himself has his own prime location, living in the posh bit of the hedgerow on the harbour side.  For what it’s worth Brian has a harem of lady sparrows following him about wherever he goes, all tweeting ‘we love Brian’ sort of tweets. Thinking about it, Brian’s living the dream.

The photo above is of Brian’s butt. I’ll explain. Before he landed on my table the other day, he was sat on the wall and his girlfriends were all sat in the bush besides the wall next to him. Brian had a look at the girl’s, then a look at me, but fell foul of making an assumption. What happened was that he saw me and guessed I was having my usual croissant. He guessed wrong.  The second he landed he realized there was nothing for him to eat. So, he turned his back just as I was taking a photo of him and then flew back to his girls. The net result was that all I got in the pic was a view of Brian’s butt just before he flew away.

We met again this morning. Brian doesn’t seem to hold any grudge against me.


Since being a little kid, we, that is my parents and me have used the Eurotunnel service that takes you into Calais in France. From there you can drive off to any place you like in Europe. The thing is there’s a sign at that check-in saying that if there’s a ferret in the car it must be declared. Why? Or better put, why single out the ferret from the entire global animal population? A few weeks back, having spent years asking Eurotunnel staff what this ferret thing was all about, I found out. An older lady on the check-in that day said ‘ferrets must have special passports’. That caused me to have a few random thoughts.

  1. How does a ferret fill in the form to apply for a passport?
  2. Does the average ferret’s passport photo look to be the worst photo ever – as it is with human passport photos?
  3. Where does a ferret get the £72.50 it costs to get a regular passport, let alone a special one?
  4. When I asked the lady if weasels and stoats, both animals much like a ferret, needed passports and she answered as far as she knew, ‘No, they didn’t’. Discrimination against ferrets? I think so.

Odd and confusing. I pity ferrets wanting to holiday abroad suffering discrimination. Although as far as Brian the Sparrow is concerned, he could just fly across The Channel and land wherever he wanted to in France, never having to worry about a passport. I wonder if the mademoiselle sparrows would take to him? Probably a ‘yes’ to that one.


Lastly, terminal boredom. I like football but right now my main team The Arsenal keep losing as do my other favourite team Gillingham. A mate and I went to watch Gillingham play on Saturday. The photos below are highlights from probably the worst game of football I’ve ever seen – we lost 1-0, the goal coming just 1 minute from full time. You’ll note that the only interesting part of the game was at half-time when they watered the pitch.

gills2 (2)

gills9 (3)

The final photo, also taken at half-time when most of the other spectators were off buying a half-time pie, is of me terminally bored out of my brains.

gills7 (2)

It doesn’t take much for me to get bored.

If there are any musicians or sound artists out there looking for inspiration for new compositions, then visit where we sell a range of varied sample packs all made ‘in house’ and produced by Zoolon. We even offer a reward scheme for regular customers, plus a free taster download, in order that you can try before you buy.

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