LETTER IN A BOTTLE

‘Claudette Colbert still from Cecil B. DeMille’s ‘Cleopatra’ movie 85 years ago’

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He was thinking to himself that he’d never written a letter. A proper letter, using a pen and paper. A letter he would write, sign and post. He decided he’d have a go although the absence of pre-emptive text was worrying him. His spelling wasn’t that great. After more thought he came up with the idea of writing a love letter. The only problem being that he didn’t know who to write to as he didn’t know anyone.  Because of that he went for a random ‘too whom it may concern’ type of letter.

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After going down to the shops to get hold of a pen (he didn’t own a pen) and paper (the only paper he had at home was toilet paper) he wrote his love letter. The letter didn’t say much. Just his address and a couple of lines that read, “Dear Whoever You Are, I’m looking for a soul mate to love. If you’re interested please get in touch, Yours Sincerely, Джордж” – his dad was Russian.

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The only problem was that he had a letterbox phobia so instead of posting the letter in the post-box up the road he went down the seafront. It was handy he lived by the sea. He took with him the letter, an empty bottle and a cork. He was pleased to have thought of this idea because had he posted the letter in an envelope it didn’t have a forwarding address written on it anyway. Making sure the tide was on the way out he put the letter in the bottle then stuffed the cork in, then chucked the bottle in the sea.

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Cleopatra also lived by the sea. She was out walking her leopard along the shoreline when she spotted the letter in a bottle. The cork was stuck in the bottle. She tried to pull it out with her teeth. She failed, so she smashed it on the rocks, careful to pick up the pieces. Джордж’s letter made Cleo smile. She decided to reply. The stamps cost her a small fortune as she lived in Egypt and he lived England.

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When Джордж received Cleo’s letter he was over the moon. He took a ship all the way to Egypt and met up with her at her grand palace. Джордж was most impressed. That night they had a meal together at a McDonald in Alexandria. They got on well and planned to meet up again the next day, even though Джордж was allergic to big cats. After Джордж had given Cleo a polite kiss and said, ‘Goodnight Cleopatra’ he went back to his hotel and wrote her this song.

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Here’s Cleo’s song. I hope you enjoy;

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The instrumental album this number is on is available to download via the link below;

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