‘NO-BELL PRIZE’ FOR DOOR KNOCKERS

‘No-Bell Prize Winner 2014’
Artist Unknown

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A confession. This is true. When I was a kid about 5 or 6 years old I remember my parents talking about the Nobel Prize. At the time I didn’t really take in what they were talking about. To me it sounded like it was a prize awarded to people who had an extra special type of door knocker instead of a door bell (as in ‘No-Bell’ Prize – although to me it should always have been called the ‘Door Knocker’ Prize). For the next few years I checked out door knockers in order to see if there were any candidates for the award where we lived. I lived in hope my parents might just buy a door knocker like no other. Of course, it never happened. What a waste of my time. Sure, I felt a bit stupid when years later I found out that Nobel Prizes are selected across 6 categories, Literature, Economy, Physiology or Medicine, Physics, Chemistry and Peace. No door knockers at all.

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This story came back to haunt me this summer in France. A mate of mine was telling everyone that his sister was about to marry this professor bloke. Apparently he’s a great bloke and my mate added, “Man, has he got one big brain.” That had me thinking so I asked if the professor had a really big head to cope with his great big brain. I was being serious. I genuinely thought the professor would be a sniper’s dream. That’s when everyone fell about laughing. They had to explain to me why they were laughing. A sad moment.

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Anyhow, I’ve always been a bit like on the logical front hence when I was 16 I wrote one of my first ever ‘proper’ songs. A song about myself. It’s never been anything more than just a demo recording, yet just for the fun of it here it is. First the lyrics, then below the song itself. It’s called ‘Ants in Awkward Places’. I hope you enjoy

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ANTS IN AWKWARD PLACES

I’m blind to all that’s going on around me
Blind to all the secrets others share
Blind to all the politics of people
To me most things get lost into thin air

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I got a monkey on my back
I got a monster under my bed
I got ants in awkward places
I got confusion in my head

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So how come I get this strangest feeling
Every time the end game closes in
If I deliver up my deepest feelings
You’d see my heart is only made of tin

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There’s more to life than endless celebration
More to life than gambling and champagne
More to life than the rituals of living
More to life than this most curious game

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I got a monkey on my back
I got a monster under my bed
I got ants in awkward places
I got confusion in my head 

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I got a monkey on my back
I got a monster under my bed
I got ants in awkward places
I got confusion in my head

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All my songs are available as albums and/or single tracks via the below;

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